Patchwork Magisters Supernatural enforcement for a superhuman world.

30Dec/111

Teaser #2 – Happy Birthday

The following story takes place between the events of "Smooth Criminal" and the events of "Hotel California", in early September of 2011.

“I raise you two,” Roland said in a bored tone of voice, glancing at his cards.

Oliver considered him carefully for several seconds, glancing around the table. Roland, sitting across from him, met his gaze calmly, a hint of a smile on his face. On either side, Meredith and Jason watched curiously, looking between the two men still betting. “I’ll call,” he finally said. “Full house.”

26Dec/110

Teaser #1 – Don’t Worry, Be Happy

Initializing…

Running Cybernetic Autonomic Reaction Empathy system v 0.9.2
Checking subsystems…all systems operational.
Checking mechanical systems… all systems operational.
Current clock time: May 17, 2011, 09:01 Eastern Standard Time.
Warning! Unit has not received maintenance in 101 days. Initiating program “Return”.
Checking current running programs…

Passive Program “Stealth Mode”. Program will terminate upon conclusion of all active mission programs.
Active Program “Ninja Counselor”, Priority 1. Program parameters: Locate individual with Happiness Index of 50 or less, and initiate sub-protocols “Stealth Hug” and “Inspirational Message”.
Active Program “Return”, Priority 1. Program parameters: Return to workshop location for maintenance.

Ordering Programs. Stealth Mode remains active. Most recent Priority 1 program “Ninja Counselor” now set as active program.

Activating psychic sensors. Beginning sweep for lowest local Happiness Index…done. Current lowest Happiness Index within range: 49. Moving to location of low Happiness Index… done.
Activating external sensors. Two humans within scanning range. Human #1 Identified – “Alice Wei”, Happiness Index 55. Human #2 Identified – “Roland Lamontagne”, Happiness Index 49.

“Morning, Alice,” Roland said. “How’re things?”

“Fine,” Alice replied with a shrug. “You?”

“Pretty good, pretty good.” Roland scuffed a foot along the ground, falling into step behind her. “Pretty crazy last night, huh?”

“I am honestly getting used to stuff like that,” Alice admitted after a moment. “A swarm of bats flying into the engine barely phases me.” She paused, and then added, “Of course, now I have to go and help Yousef fix the damn plane…”

“Need any help?” Roland asked.

“No, I think we’ve got it. Not much chance of the engine trying to kill us. I hope.”

“Okay, cool.” Roland paused. “Listen, I was wondering if later you might be interested in getting some coffee…”

“I’m pretty busy these days,” Alice cut him off.

“Oh! Yeah, uh… that’s…” Roland bit his lip, glancing over at Alice, who resolutely did not glance back. “I mean, uh…”

Warning! Roland Lamontagne Happiness Index dropping to 38! Alice Wei Happiness Index dropping to 42! Initiate sub-protocols!

“Look, Roland…”

“Everybody-Needs-Somebody-Sometimes.”

“What the hell?!” Alice yowled, as the hugbot leapt out of the shadows and fastened itself to her back. “God damn it!”

“I got it! I got it!” Roland swiped for the bot, which scuttled out of the way as it fell off Alice.

Error! Alice Wei Happiness Index at 37! Abort!

The hugbot dashed down the hallway. Alice, teeth gritted, broke into a sprint. “Not this time, you sack of bolts! You are not getting away! YOUSEF!”

Roland watched her dash off, letting out his breath slowly. “Now that is a hell of a topic-changer,” he murmured to himself.

Current clock time: May 17, 2011, 10:36 Eastern Standard Time.
Evasion complete. Beginning sweep for lowest local Happiness Index…done. Current lowest Happiness Index within range: 47. Moving to location of low Happiness Index… done. Activating external sensors. Two humans within scanning range. Human #1 Identified – “Jack Beauregard”, Happiness Index 53. Human #2 Identified – “Catherine Becker”, Happiness Index 47.

“Sometimes I don’t know about this job, Jack,” Catherine said, lying flat on the bench and pressing weights. She looked up at the ceiling, shaking her head. “I mean, I always thought there was no such thing as vampires.”

“Well, to be fair, she isn’t actually a vampire,” Jack pointed out. “She’s a shapeshifting extradimensional being using vampire tropes to lure…” He paused, and shrugged. “To be totally honest, I’m still not entirely clear on what was going on last night. The important thing is, tonight will go better.”

“The important thing is, I thought that my army job was hard on my relationships,” Catherine groused. “Do you realize, I haven’t been out on a proper romantic evening with Lance since March?”

“I hadn’t, no,” Jack said. “You don’t really discuss it much, and I hadn’t realized it had gotten that bad.”
“Always,” Catherine sighed, setting her weights up in their stand for a moment. “I don’t know why he puts up with me sometimes, Jack. I mean, I spent almost a year deployed on Sayleen. For half that time, he didn’t even know for sure whether or not I was alive. And now I get back, and I’m right back into the swing of things, and he’s still waiting.” She sighed heavily. “Is there something wrong with me?”

“I couldn’t say,” Jack said after a moment. Catherine reached up for the weights again, and he lowered them into her hands. “I’m not exactly a font of good romantic advice myself, after all. Most of my relationships ended with a visit from the police and a trip back to jail.” He stood back thoughtfully. “You have a good man, who’s willing to wait for you. I would focus on that.”

Catherine nodded slowly. “Yeah. Maybe I will.”

Happiness Index on Catherine Becker rising. Abort program.

“Well, I think I’m…” Catherine broke off, looking sharply into the corner of the room. After a moment, she shook her head and sighed. “Thought I saw the carebot over there. You didn’t smell anything, did you?”

“I can’t smell it, it’s not magical,” Jack pointed out. “Weird science doesn’t register.”

“Damn, that’s right.” Catherine shrugged, setting the weights back and pushing herself up to a sitting position. “Oh, well, not much we can do about it anyway. Up for some sparring?”

“Probably not, but I’ll act as your punching bag for a few minutes,” Jack said lightly, reaching out a hand to pull her to her feet. “Who knows? You’re winded, and I haven’t started yet. I might actually land a tap on you.”

“Anything’s possible, slick.” Catherine grinned, and the two headed towards the sparring ring.

"Don't Worry, Be Happy" continues in Patchwork Champions, Volume I: Holding Out For A Hero

23Dec/110

That’s all, folks!

For 2011, anyway.

Yep, this marks the last storyline update for the year. Given the holidays, I'm taking a two-week break in order to focus on some things, and Patchwork Magisters will resume fully on January 9th with our next crazy story, "Kryptonite".

But that doesn't mean the site will be quiet! There will still be two updates a week for the next two weeks, they're just going to be a little bit different. Instead of regular updates, I will be providing teasers from the stories found in my ebook editions of Patchwork Magisters, following a suggestion from a reader:

* On December 26th, you can tune in for the opening of "Don't Worry, Be Happy", the exclusive story contained in Patchwork Magisters: Volume I. Some of you have already read this story, but hopefully the rest of you will enjoy the tease.

* On December 30th, we move on to the first of the three bonus stories that will be contained in Volume II when it comes out in January, "Happy Birthday", featuring Blossom's first birthday party.

* On January 2nd, we'll ring in the new year with a taste of "The Statue Got Me High", in which Alice, Meredith, and Yousef have to handle a case without the support of the Magisters' front line.

* Finally, on January 6th, we'll get our first glimpse at the histories of everyone's favorite murderers, the Mythica, with the beginning of Volume II's final bonus story, "Bad To The Bone".

That's it for the year, folks! Happy holidays, and a happy new year. I'll see you all in a couple of weeks!

23Dec/112

The Perfect Crime, Part Ten

“The hell of it is, she’s right,” Oliver said with a sigh. He was currently sitting in the team’s briefing room, his suit rumpled and his expression haggard. Across from him, Catherine, Blossom, and Roland were in their own chairs, with the team’s support staff filling in the extra places. “Our case against Brenner is almost entirely based on the fact that he ordered Tarah to commit various illegal acts. If he can prove that he did not have control of the ring at the time, the evidence becomes circumstantial.”

19Dec/113

The Perfect Crime, Part Nine

Jack sat in the small cafe in Washington, looking out the window at the traffic going by, his coat folded on the chair next to him, a cup of tea sitting untouched on his table. His suit was pressed and carefully cleaned, jet black against the beige of his seat, and his cross gleamed on his chest.

“Our first date. Which ended in a storage locker, now that I think about it. Funny how things work out.” The soft voice came from behind him, and he smiled sadly, looking up.

“Things do come full circle,” Jack agreed with a nod. Robyn sat down across from him, folding her hands on her lap. Her hair had been cut short and spiky, and she was wearing a simple green blouse and pants, under a sports jacket. For a moment, the two simply sat across from each other.

16Dec/113

The Perfect Crime, Part Eight

Paul Brenner was returning from his private kitchen, a glass of water in one hand and an apple in the other, when he saw the brief gust of wind push his door open. Stepping through, he closed it softly behind him, engaging his anti-spying safeguards, and then smiled. “Hello, Tarah,” he said, crossing over to his desk. “Is it done?”

“Yes, Master,” Tarah said softly, taking on a vaguely human shape sitting on the ground next to the desk. “It is done.”

“Good. Were there any hitches?”

“No, Master. Everything went according to plan,” Tarah said just as softly.

12Dec/113

The Perfect Crime, Part Seven

Catherine slipped through the apartment lobby, flashing her badge to the surprised security guard as she strode upwards. 'Blossom,' she sent, 'are you in position?'

'Absolutely,' Blossom said. 'But Catherine, I don't think there's anyone here.'

Catherine stepped into the building's elevator, watching a thousand reflections of herself vanish into the distance. 'The biometric feed narrowed in to here,' she pointed out.

'Yes, but the technician did tell us it could be a historical trace,' Blossom sent. 'I'm inside now, and taking a quick look around. I think this might be Robyn's apartment.'

9Dec/114

The Perfect Crime, Part Six

Catherine paced back and forth in the small computer room, glaring at the frazzled-looking technician. Beside her, Blossom was sitting as still as a statue, lost in thought. “Well?” she snapped.

“I'm trying!” the technician snapped back, rubbing her forehead. “Do you know how hard it is to reconstitute biometric data from fractional feeds?” She shook her head. “No, of course you don't, because you don't work with pseudotech! Stop bothering me!”

“Yousef could have had it all together by now,” Catherine growled.

“Yousef is in Boston with Alice, pretending to be us so that Brenner wouldn't get ready for our arrival,” Blossom reminded her. “Working on that idol-busting case.”

6Dec/113

The Perfect Crime, Part Five

Robyn shook her head, glancing around as she stepped into the small storage locker. “Like old times,” she muttered under her breath. “How many of these do we maintain?”

“Enough for our purposes,” Brenner said through the small earpiece she'd been given. “Don't worry, there's absolutely nothing to connect it to my corporation, or to our society. The Magisters can't find you here.”

“Lovely,” Robyn sighed, sitting down on a wooden crate and considering her benefactor. “You were holding out on me, Mr. Brenner,” she said admiringly. “I had no idea we had an agent within the Magisters.”

2Dec/112

The Perfect Crime, Part Four

“No luck?” Roland asked as Jack returned to the room with the others.

Jack shook his head. “Not that we really expected it to be that easy.” He glanced over to Blossom. “How do the offices look?”

“Oh, they're super-warded,” Blossom said brightly. “I checked every angle. The windows are spelled so that you can't see anything clearly through the glass, there's all sorts of countermeasures on the phone lines, Yousef says the computers are encrypted past his ability to plant anything, and every possible entrance is warded. I haven't seen this much security since I lived with Father.” She paused, considering, and then added, “Maybe even SEA headquarters.”

“There we go,” Roland said. “There's no way that a normal business would need those kind of defenses, right?”

Catherine sighed. “Did you read our files on Brenner Enterprises at all, Roland?”

1Dec/112

Heading Out West

So, I'm going on a trip. This shouldn't affect updates or anything - heck, they may even be more reliable since I'm going to be doing a lot of them in advance, so there won't be any of that updating hours late that I do from time to time. But I won't be my usual quick-replying self, most likely.

Incidentally, if you live in Toronto, you really need to go and see Ride the Cyclone. I have heard whispers that they're already sold out on normal tickets, but the Pay-What-You-Can Saturday should still be available for those willing to line up.

Seriously, be willing to line up. The show is as phenomenal as ever.

Filed under: 2011, News Archives 2 Comments